Avatar Wins Best Picture Globe

James Cameron accepted the ‘Best Picture’ award for “Avatar” Sunday Night at the Golden Globes. Cameron even went so far as to thank the audience in the native tongue of the imaginary planet, Pandora,  featured in his sci-fi blockbuster. The language of the planet’s native people is called N’avi. Luckily for all you rabid Avatar fans out there, Cameron said there is no word in N’avi for “Virgin” or “Acne”.

Avatar Blues

Sci-Fi fans are reportedly experiencing depression and suicidal thoughts after seeing James Cameron’s 3D blockbuster ‘Avatar’ multiple times as they ” long to enjoy the beauty of the alien world Pandora.” One fan site called “Avatar Forums,” has a thread entitled “Ways to cope with the depression of the dream of Pandora being intangible.”

Number one on the list of cures: the touch of an actual woman.

Baldwin’s Butt

Alec Baldwin reportedly asked for a “butt double” for his new movie It’s Complicated with Meryl Streep. The director Nancy Meyers said this delayed production for quite a while as there are not many walruses in L.A.

Viagra Ice Cream…

An ice cream store is offering Viagra ice cream. In unrelated, other news, Jack Nicholson reportedly just got an ice cream headache.

Time’s 100

Time magazine did not realize that its online poll for readers to name the 100 most influential people was rigged by computer hackers. They did suspect something was up when Obama was passed over for the No. 1 spot by “Wolverine”.

DVD Breakthrough

A new breakthrough will allow for 100 DVDs to be placed onto a single disc. When reached for comment, Yahoo Serious said, “I better get working on 99 more movies.”

‘Best Pictures’ Struggling…

Apparently this year’s crop of of  ’Best Picture’ nominees are not receiving the typical ‘Oscar bounce’ at the box office since being announced on Jan. 22.  I don’t understand this. If the Holocaust, a deplorable slum in India and Richard Nixon can’t get the American people to the theater, I don’t know what will.

Gray Means Green…

The most successful blockbusters so far this summer have featured older actors, from 65-year-old Harrison Ford in Indiana Jones to the 40-Plus gang in Sex-in-the-City. Movie producers are apparently getting the message. Producers of `Spiderman 4′ just dropped Toby Maguire for Steve Guttenberg.

Puerto Rico, HO!…Universal Fire…Tatum O’Neal

Hillary Clinton won the Puerto Rico primary over the weekend by a landslide. Even though Barack Obama has an insurmountable delegate lead, Senator Clinton vowed to keep fighting. “The good people of the Virgin Islands and Guam need to be heard.”

A massive fire raged at Universal Studios in LA over the weekend, damaging movie sets and the King Kong ride at the theme park. King Kong was resting comfortably atop the Empire State Building and could not be reached for comment.

Tatum O’Neal was arrested on drug charges over the weekend, allegedly for trying to buy cocaine and crack. When police approached her, the 44-year old actress claimed she was researching a part… for `The Tatum O’Neal Story.’

Hillary At It Again…Indiana Jones…Space Toilet

Hillary Clinton apparently hasn’t learned her lesson since her controversial reference to Robert F. Kennedy’s assassination as reason for her to stay in the race. Today, the Senator said she planned to keep campaigning even if Obama is elected President in November. “Hey, we all know what happened to William Henry Harrison,” she said.

The figures are in….the new Indiana Jones movie brought in $311 million around the world. It’s the second-highest Memorial Day holiday weekend opening in history. Movie-goers defied pundits who believed the series had grown tired. Critics didn’t think audience members would be intrigued by Indy’s new adventure: Unearthing Harrison Ford’s high school class ring.

NASA said this week that the International Space Station’s toilet is broken. Roto Rooter said that they can get there somewhere between 2010 and 2013.