Puerto Rico, HO!…Universal Fire…Tatum O’Neal

Hillary Clinton won the Puerto Rico primary over the weekend by a landslide. Even though Barack Obama has an insurmountable delegate lead, Senator Clinton vowed to keep fighting. “The good people of the Virgin Islands and Guam need to be heard.”

A massive fire raged at Universal Studios in LA over the weekend, damaging movie sets and the King Kong ride at the theme park. King Kong was resting comfortably atop the Empire State Building and could not be reached for comment.

Tatum O’Neal was arrested on drug charges over the weekend, allegedly for trying to buy cocaine and crack. When police approached her, the 44-year old actress claimed she was researching a part… for `The Tatum O’Neal Story.’

New Memoir…Monkeys…UFO…Ruined Vacation

Forget Scott McClellan’s memoir…we’re waiting for this one.  Idaho Senator Larry Craig revealed yesterday that he is writing a book about his life over the past year. Presumably, the tome will discuss his arrest in a bathroom at the Minneapolis airport for soliciting gay sex from an undercover officer in a bathroom stall…an allegation he denied. The Senator said he already had a title for the book: “If I Did It, Here’s How It Happened.”

Monkeys with sensors implanted in their brains learned to control a robot arm with their thoughts. According to University of Pittsburgh scientists, the first thing the monkeys did was use the arm to throw their feces at each other.

A man who wants the government to create an “Extraterrestrial Affairs Commission” said that Friday he will reveal a video to the world that shows an actual space alien.  Authorities who previewed the tape however said the guy is confused…it’s just the latest TMZ video of Amy Winehouse leaving a club.

A lawyer is suing Delta for $1 million, claiming the airline ruined his family vacation by stranding his two children and wife for three days without luggage in various airports. His family is counter suing him however, for making them take a vacation with a lawyer.