French Economy…

The global economic downturn has officially gotten serious in France. Reuters is reporting that sales of French sex toys are plummeting as consumers reduce their spending on kinky products.  Secretary of State Clinton said that her husband has been immediately dispatched to monitor the situation.

Historic Ticket…

Obama wrapped up the Democratic nomination and speculation immediately turned to whether he would name Hillary as his running mate. What a ticket of historic proportions this would be… never before on the same Presidential ticket has there been two people who hated each other this much.

Hillary Conceding…Putin’s Iron Fist…Planet Green

Hillary Clinton will reportedly concede the Democratic nomination to Barack Obama tonight. As her campaign comes to an end, some pundits are blaming the frequent, tasteless outbursts by her husband, Bill Clinton, while on the campaign trail as costing her the election. Oh boy… I know who’s sleeping on the couch tonight!

Russian President Vladimir Putin has banned political humor on TV, stregthening his control over the country’s media networks. The strong-arm move has completely ruined Yakov Smirnoff’s comeback plans.

The Discovery network today will launch the first ever “ecotainment” channel. The channel will have 24/7 programming featuring “celebrity chef Emeril Lagasse, rocker Tommy Lee and rapper Ludacris”, according to the channel’s press release. It seems the networks first eco-friendly act is to recycle washed-up celebrities.

Puerto Rico, HO!…Universal Fire…Tatum O’Neal

Hillary Clinton won the Puerto Rico primary over the weekend by a landslide. Even though Barack Obama has an insurmountable delegate lead, Senator Clinton vowed to keep fighting. “The good people of the Virgin Islands and Guam need to be heard.”

A massive fire raged at Universal Studios in LA over the weekend, damaging movie sets and the King Kong ride at the theme park. King Kong was resting comfortably atop the Empire State Building and could not be reached for comment.

Tatum O’Neal was arrested on drug charges over the weekend, allegedly for trying to buy cocaine and crack. When police approached her, the 44-year old actress claimed she was researching a part… for `The Tatum O’Neal Story.’

Hillary At It Again…Indiana Jones…Space Toilet

Hillary Clinton apparently hasn’t learned her lesson since her controversial reference to Robert F. Kennedy’s assassination as reason for her to stay in the race. Today, the Senator said she planned to keep campaigning even if Obama is elected President in November. “Hey, we all know what happened to William Henry Harrison,” she said.

The figures are in….the new Indiana Jones movie brought in $311 million around the world. It’s the second-highest Memorial Day holiday weekend opening in history. Movie-goers defied pundits who believed the series had grown tired. Critics didn’t think audience members would be intrigued by Indy’s new adventure: Unearthing Harrison Ford’s high school class ring.

NASA said this week that the International Space Station’s toilet is broken. Roto Rooter said that they can get there somewhere between 2010 and 2013.