Gamers Rejoice

A new web site called ‘Gamecrush’ allows gamers to pay to play games such as ‘Halo’ against hot women online. In other news, the average age of virgins in the U.S. just rose to 31.

Rove’s Book

Karl Rove’s new book hits bookstores next week, a memoir where he admits that the failure to find weapons of mass destruction in Iraq seriously hurt the Bush Administration’s credibility. Rove, always the schemer, figured a book about losing things would be popular following Dan Brown’s “Lost Symbol”.

Obama’s Physical

The results of President Obama’s physical found that his doctors recommended that he stop smoking and start having moderation in his drinking. The doctors were later forced to apologize to the President after finding they mistakenly mixed up his results with David Hasselhoff.

Avatar Wins Best Picture Globe

James Cameron accepted the ‘Best Picture’ award for “Avatar” Sunday Night at the Golden Globes. Cameron even went so far as to thank the audience in the native tongue of the imaginary planet, Pandora,  featured in his sci-fi blockbuster. The language of the planet’s native people is called N’avi. Luckily for all you rabid Avatar fans out there, Cameron said there is no word in N’avi for “Virgin” or “Acne”.

Blondes Are ‘Warlike’

A new study by the University of California showed that Blonde women exhibited much more aggressive personality traits than brunettes, going so far to call it “warlike”. After an attempt to be reached for comment, Madonna’s publicist said the singer was not available….because she was currently off eating her mate.

Big Butts Healthy?

Oxford University recently found that having a larger butt may actually be healthy. The study found that fat in the hip and thigh areas actually reduces the risk of diabetes and heart disease. I have one question: How did Sir-Mix-A-Lot get into Oxford?

Neanderthals Wore Jewelry

An archeological study in Spain revealed that Neanderthals — precursors to early humans — actually wore jewelry, make-up and even glitter. These Neanderthals kept up these practices after migrating nearly 40,000 years ago… to the Jersey Shore.

Baldwin’s Butt

Alec Baldwin reportedly asked for a “butt double” for his new movie It’s Complicated with Meryl Streep. The director Nancy Meyers said this delayed production for quite a while as there are not many walruses in L.A.

Viagra Ice Cream…

An ice cream store is offering Viagra ice cream. In unrelated, other news, Jack Nicholson reportedly just got an ice cream headache.

Time’s 100

Time magazine did not realize that its online poll for readers to name the 100 most influential people was rigged by computer hackers. They did suspect something was up when Obama was passed over for the No. 1 spot by “Wolverine”.