Starbucks Long Orders

Starbucks said that it will be raising prices for long, complicated orders. For example, a triple grande soy vanilla latte with a shot of espresso would now cost more than $6. Yeah…the company is calling it an “as$hole tax”.

Domino’s Admission

Domino’s pizza has admitted that its pizza all these years was in fact “terrible”. The admission came along with the announcement of a new ad campaign featuring a new recipe for its pies. When reached randomly for comment, one Domino’s customer exhaled some pot smoke and asked, “you’re still going to bring it around to the back door…right?”

GM Selling Saturn

GM said that it plans to sell the Saturn brand. Those looking to buy the business unit should know the price is nonnegotiable and your friends will be unable to guess what kind of company you just bought.

Dog Eats Money…

Last week, a dog in North Carolina named Augie ate $400 in cash that his mother had left out before she was going to deposit it at a bank. The family found a few parts of the money in his droppings the next day.

Augie has since been hired by AIG.

French Economy…

The global economic downturn has officially gotten serious in France. Reuters is reporting that sales of French sex toys are plummeting as consumers reduce their spending on kinky products.  Secretary of State Clinton said that her husband has been immediately dispatched to monitor the situation.